Last Thursday was my
first day back in the office since early December. Everything went back to normal …well…sort of.
Thursday was also my
first day not interning under Bryan Ball.
Bryan resigned and his last official day was Wednesday the 2nd. And while I'm happy and 100% supportive for
what God has planned for Bryan and Brittany, I'm feeling really overwhelmed and
uncertain about the future.
I know God will
always come through, He's never failed before, but Zac and I were talking about
how easy it is to forget the faithfulness of God when we're in times of
uncertainty. When the Hebrew slaves were
brought out of Egypt and they saw God part the Red Sea through Moses, they were
sure that God was going to provide for them; yet, chapters later in Exodus,
they ask Moses if he lead them into the desert to die. It's so easy to forget God's faithfulness in
times of uncertainty.
In Psalm 77:11 Asaph
says 'I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles
of long ago."
In this Psalm, Asaph
looks back and remembers the times where God has proved His faithfulness. As I
sit here in Starbucks, remembering the good times I had interning under Bryan,
fighting tears and getting strange looks, I remember the fact that at the end
of 2011 I had no idea that God had one of the most incredible years in store
for me.
When I first signed
on to this internship I was uncertain. I
felt like I wasn't good enough. I spend
the beginning of 2011 playing church while living completely different outside
of church. God convicted me and I
changed, but I held on to my mistakes from the past. I figured God had given up on using me to do
the things He wanted to do through me.
I remember before I
interned I told Bryan I needed more time to decide weather or not I
should. I prayed and I felt like I
should go for it, so I did. I remember
at the beginning of 2012 I felt like I didn't deserve ministry, and I felt like
I wasn't good enough for it. I felt like
giving me this internship was like giving a 2 year old a fragile and expensive
gift.
But when I look back
on how 2012 actually went, I'm
completely blown away. God used me to do
incredible things. I saw incredible
changes in some of our students, and to be a part of someone's walk with God
when I wasn't even sure mine was as good as it should have been, was easily the
most mind-blowing thing of my entire life.
I was driving down
I-94 on my way to the office and I was thinking about everything God had done
this past year, my eyes welled up with tears as the Holy Spirit began to speak
to me.
"I never
doubted for a second that I called you
I never gave up on
you
And even when you
were far from Me I knew I could redeem you
Because My sheep
know My voice."
How good it is to
hear, know, and listen to His voice (John 10:27)!
I'm reminded of my
favorite lyrics from the hymn 'In Christ Alone':
"No guilt in
life, no fear in death,
This is the power of
Christ in me;
From life's first
cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my
destiny.
No power of hell, no
scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me
from His hand;
Till He returns or
calls me home,
Here in the power of
Christ I'll stand."
Nothing can pluck me
from His hand because I hear His voice calling me out of the darkness into the
light where I can stand! I think that's one of the biggest realizations that
I've had in a long time.
Back in June we took
a trip to Colorado for desperation 2k12.
The closer we got to the mountains, the more I realized how big the
mountains actually were. Last year, as I got closer to God, the more I realized
how big His mercy is, how big His love is, how big His greatness is.
It's a new year, and
I'm confused as all get out. I'm one
year closer to my future but it's as unclear as ever…but, as I finish my
internship under Zac Weaks, lead a full band on Sunday mornings for U1jh, and
continue to preach the good news of Jesus Christ, I'll be hard not to have one
of the most exciting and mind-blowing years of my life!
Hooorahhhhh for
2013!
-JDWayt
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